No. Research shows that domestic abuse is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. Any woman can experience domestic abuse regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle.
Domestic abuse can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.
More appropriately this can be rephrased to demonstrate that perpetrators will frequently target vulnerable women. That is not to say that all women who experience domestic abuse are vulnerable in some way. Women who experience domestic abuse come from all backgrounds, including women that appear strong and self confident as well those that do not. Experiencing domestic abuse is likely to effect self esteem and ways in which a woman is able to form future relationships, but this does not mean that women seek out someone to be abusive again. With support many women are able to emerge strong and confident with resolve not to stay in an abusive situation again.
The sad aspect of this belief is that it is possible for women to have more than one relationship with someone that is abusive but it is not true that women ‘ask for it’ or ‘enjoy’ it or are unable to escape because of their own failings rather than due to real barriers that they face.
Every perpetrator is different and every victim’s experience and way of dealing with the abuse is different depending on their own history, personality and access to resources and support.
Many people drink or use drugs but they don’t all abuse. Studies have shown that roughly even numbers of sober men to those that are drunk are violent. (Mullender 2002)
Drink can be a factor where there is domestic abuse occurring, it can lessen a person’s inhibitions ‘allowing them’ to be violent. Often perpetrators who hit their partner when drunk use it as an excuse to deny it later on, or claim they couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it. Some abusers use drink/drugs in this way to ‘feed’ the violence. It is often for perpetrators who are violent when they are drunk to be violent when they are sober, although this may be in different ways. It is important to remember that domestic abuse is about a pattern of behaviour, not just physical assault, often other forms of abuse may be more apparent when the perpetrator is sober.
Victims of domestic abuse may turn to alcohol or other substance misuse as a way of coping.
Generally this theory claims that boys witnessing domestic abuse will become perpetrators and girls will become victims, i.e. children repeat what they witness.
It is estimated that 3 out of 5 children are witnessing domestic abuse (Youth Update , Feb 2000) therefore it is hardly surprising that some perpetrators and some victims will have grown up with domestic abuse. The majority of those children, however, do not go on to become abusers or victims themselves, and many make very positive choices to avoid violence as adults. Alongside this there are many perpetrators and victims that did not experience domestic violence as children.
This theory risks labelling children at an early age, denying the complexities involved and the ways in which experiences influence behaviour and the gender roles in society.
Experience within Women’s Aid demonstrates that although children can be profoundly affected by domestic abuse, they are adaptable and strong, and with appropriate support from adults that they can trust, particularly their mother, they can develop an increased awareness of the damage violence can do. For many this translates into a new resilience and determination to do more than simply survive, and a positive determination that violence will not be a part of their future life. (WAFE Briefing)
There is no evidence to support the statement that perpetrators of domestic abuse are consistently psychologically any different to non abusers. Since domestic abuse cuts across social groups in society some perpetrators will have mental health issues and this will affect the violence, but most do not.
According to the UN domestic abuse affects 1 in 4 women worldwide, in all cultures and all communities. The government Safety and Justice White Paper states that: ‘among women, risks of domestic violence do not differ significantly by ethnic origin’ (Safety and Justice 2000:9)
The barriers that a woman faces to escape may be different depending on her social group. A woman from ethnic minorities may find it harder to leave or a woman with no income will face financial barriers.
Often abusers themselves will use this as an excuse, however it fails to explain why perpetrators hit their victims in private and often inflict injuries on parts of their bodies that will be covered by clothes. Perpetrators rarely hit other people in public, at work or on the street, therefore making choices and controlling when and where they are prepared to be violent.
Most relationships have some arguments within them, but domestic abuse is where one person uses a pattern of verbal/emotional/psychological abuse which may or may not be accompanied by violence to control another person. On the whole perpetrators of domestic abuse tend to be men and victims tend to be women (Home Office 2002). Studies have shown that where women use violence it is more likely to be in self defence after years of repeated abuse in order to protect themselves or their children