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ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

What is domestic violence and abuse?

Domestic violence is defined by Leeway as any abuse that takes place within an intimate or family relationship and forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. This can include forced marriage and so-called ‘honour crimes’. Domestic violence may include a range of abusive behaviours, not all of which are in themselves inherently ‘violent’.

These are only a few examples, sadly there are many more examples not listed:

  • Physical: Beatings, slaps, punches, kicks, pulling hair, strangling, burns, pushes, pinches, tripping over, choking, starvation, stabbing, torture.
  • Sexual: Sexual abuse can be actual or threatened, causing physical and emotional damage, such as rape - forcing someone to perform and/or receive unwanted sexual acts.
  • Emotional: Playing mind games, humiliation, destroying someone’s possessions, intimidation, Destroying property, abusing pets, making you afraid by using facial expressions, actions, gestures, threats.
  • Economic: Stopping you getting or keeping a job, taking your money
  • Isolation: Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, where you go.

The government’s definition of domestic abuse

The Government defines domestic abuse as "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality." This includes issues of concern to black and minority ethnic (BME) communities such as so called 'honour killings'.

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Statistics

  • 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime
  • In the UK, 2 women are murdered a week by a partner or ex-partner.
  • Domestic abuse is the largest cause of death worldwide in women aged 19-44, greater than war, cancer or motor vehicle accidents
  • Domestic abuse has more repeat victims than any other crime.
  • On average a victim will have been assaulted 35 times before she will call the police.
  • Domestic violence costs the public sector approximately £16 billion per year (Walby, 2009)
  • The police receive a call from the public for assistance because of domestic abuse every minute. (Stanko, 2000)
  • 40% of all homeless women stated that domestic abuse was a contributor to their homelessness (Shelter, 2002)
  • In a British Crime Survey of 2005/6 there were 357,000,000 incidents of domestic abuse (Home Office, July 2006)
  • 1 in 5 couples who seek help through Relate mentioned domestic abuse as an issue in their marriage (Stanko, 2000)
  • 54% of rapes reported in the British Crime Survey in 2001 were perpetrated by current or ex-partners.

Key facts in Norfolk and Suffolk:

  • Domestic violence costs Norfolk’s public sector approximately £27.5 million per year.
  • Norfolk Police receive approximately 10,000 reports of domestic violence per year.
  • There are on average two homicides in Norfolk per year caused by domestic violence.
  • There are on average three homicides in Suffolk per year caused by domestic violence.

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Why don’t victims of domestic violence leave?

Escaping domestic violence can be difficult for many reasons

  • Adult victims and their children are often financially dependant on the abuser
  • Legal protection can be inadequate and ineffective
  • Victims may worry about being isolated from their families, taking their children away from friends, family and familiar surrounding
  • Victims may be scared of the future, where to go, what will they do for money, what will happen to the children and their education
  • It is difficult to find somewhere safe where they will not be found, will they have to hide forever
  • Mixed emotions as the perpetrators aren’t always violent, there was a reason they began a relationship, the victims just want the violence to stop
  • Victims are unsure of their options, will they be taken seriously, what rights they have, what resources and support they will receive
  • Victims may believe it’s better to stay for the sake of the children, keeping both parents in their lives
  • Victims may have low self esteem as a result of the abuse, and be lacking in confidence
  • Fear –Many victims are frightened of their abuser and it’s common for the perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if they leave.

All Leeway’s client based services aim to empower adults and children by providing them with the time, space, support and information they need to make decisions about their futures.

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Common myths and stereotypes about domestic abuse

Does domestic abuse only happen in certain cultures or classes?                                     

No. Research shows that domestic abuse is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. However any man or woman can experience domestic abuse regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle. Domestic abuse can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.

People look for abusive partners

More appropriately this can be rephrased to demonstrate that perpetrators will frequently target vulnerable women. That is not to say that everyone who experiences domestic abuse is vulnerable in some way. Women who experience domestic abuse come from all backgrounds, including women that appear strong and self confident as well those that do not. Every perpetrator is different and every victim’s experience and way of dealing with the abuse is different depending on their own history, personality and access to resources and support

It’s about drink/drugs/alcohol

Drink can be a factor where there is domestic abuse occurring, it can lessen a person’s inhibitions ‘allowing them’ to be violent. Often perpetrators who hit their partner when drunk use it as an excuse to deny it later on, or claim they couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it. It is important to remember that domestic abuse is about a pattern of behaviour, not just physical assault, often other forms of abuse may be more apparent when the perpetrator is sober.

Cycle of abuse

Generally this theory claims that boys witnessing domestic abuse will become perpetrators and girls will become victims, i.e. children repeat what they witness. It is estimated that 3 out of 5 children are witnessing domestic abuse (Youth Update , Feb 2000) therefore it is hardly surprising that some perpetrators and some victims will have grown up with domestic abuse. The majority of those children, however, do not go on to become abusers or victims themselves, and many make very positive choices to avoid violence as adults. Alongside this there are many perpetrators and victims that did not experience domestic violence as children.

Perpetrators are sick or mentally ill

There is no evidence to support the statement that perpetrators of domestic abuse are consistently psychologically any different to non abusers. Since domestic abuse cuts across social groups in society some perpetrators will have mental health issues and this will affect the violence, but most do not.

Domestic abuse only occurs in ‘problem families’, working class or ethnic minority families

According to the UN domestic abuse affects 1 in 4 women worldwide, in all cultures and all communities. The government Safety and Justice White Paper states that: ‘among women, risks of domestic violence do not differ significantly by ethnic origin’ (Safety and Justice 2000:9)

Perpetrators lose control

Often abusers themselves will use this as an excuse; however it fails to explain why perpetrators hit their victims in private and often inflict injuries on parts of their bodies that will be covered by clothes. Perpetrators rarely hit other people in public, at work or on the street, therefore making choices and controlling when and where they are prepared to be violent.

It is just a violent family

Most relationships have some arguments within them, but domestic abuse is where one person uses a pattern of verbal/emotional/psychological abuse which may or may not be accompanied by violence to control another person. On the whole perpetrators of domestic abuse tend to be men and victims tend to be women (Home Office 2002). Studies have shown that where women use violence it is more likely to be in self defence after years of repeated abuse in order to protect themselves or their children

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